Today my sweet husband and I went to lunch. We love and appreciate every moment we can get simply because our schedules have become so hectic. I love being busy and I also love love time with my man:) After our sweet meal together we were walking to our cars hand in hand and he looked at me and said this to me- “what do you regret most in life?” I answered quickly and said “ my relationship with my father”. We kissed good-bye (awwww) and we headed back to our work places. I thought about that question deeper on my drive back and I realized that it was so much more than just my relationship with my father I regretted. As a kid I couldn’t truly verbalize just how angry I was at him and so that led to years of pain frustration and vulnerabilities that led me into sin. I would dress and do whatever I could to gain the looks of boys, I would hide food and binge simply because I felt pain and I would do and say what I needed in order to gain friendships. You see the anger I had for my father gave root to lots of different sins in my life which led to many regrets along the way. This past week I was reading in James 1 and I came across verses 22-25 …. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.
Verse 25 honestly froze me in my tracks. As women we are control freaks. We want our marriages to be happily ever after, our friendships to always be in BFF mode. We want our houses to be spotless with beautiful decorations hanging without a bit of dust on them and perfectly behaved kids sitting by the fire-place reading their lengthy chapter books with smiles on their faces. For some of you this may be your lives and I say to you WOW!! But for most women we struggle to keep the dish piles out of the sink, clean underwear on our kids and dust off the ceiling fans ha (well I just keep my going and I know no one will notice). What I realized that all throughout my life I have done things in order to gain some type of control just to keep the anger and hurt from surfacing. Food was a way out for me. Boys were a way out for me and so on. When I read verse 25 I noticed one word FREEDOM. I know I desperately want to walk in freedom from guilt of measuring up as a perfect wife, mother and friend. I will always fail and yet God’s perfect grace is what causes me to walk in any type of confidence what so ever. The first part of that verse says but whoever looks INTENTLY into the perfect law. When we look into the mirror and a zit, or a cold sore or a nappy hair day awaits us our whole perspective of how we view ourselves changes and we usually make some type of change whether its zit cream, toothpaste for a cold sore or our hair goes into a pony tail or we wash it and start all over. The same is when we look INTENTLY into God’s word it always reflects the parts of our hearts that keeping us from gaining freedom. When a wife who constantly is nagging at her husband because of their fear and lack of control looks INTENTLY into God’s word about respect and honoring her husband this pushes her to implement change. You see God’s word isn’t meant to bring guilt shame or regret in our lives it is meant to bring redemption and forgiveness to us so we can walk in His perfect love and FREEDOM. So what do I regret most… I don’t think I can honestly say just my relationship with my father any longer. He passed away 14 years ago and before we died I was able to share my heart with him and to tell him I forgave him and when He died he knew I loved him. You see God’s word tells me I don’t have to walk in regret because he keeps NO records of my sins. Today as satan reminds you of ALL the wrong things you have said or done in your past remember you are a NEW creation and the Creator of the universe loves you with an intense love. He loves like a hurricane…..