Yesterday I got a yummy salad from Subway that had onions on top. I came back to my desk to eat it and every person who walked through the front door smelled the onions right off the bat. I was reminded of onion peeling. When you purchase an onion you don’t walk through the grocery store crying as you hold it. It’s when you begin to peel it and pull away the layers that you begin to cry because the smell is so strong and potent! So this is just another layer being peeled away from my heart……
It has been a few weeks since I blogged. Every time I have started to write I just couldn’t seem to finish a thought. I am seeing things a little differently and it’s a good thing. I am a different person now. Friendships are not hard. Loving people isn’t a chore. Saying I am a pastor’s wife doesn’t make my eye twitch (as bad ha). Serving people keeps my heart in check. Trusting God pushes me to obedience and obedience leads me into a new level of intimacy with my Creator. I went back through some old blogs from a year ago and it was mostly me making a declaration and admittance to struggling with food. It’s like my heart is almost like an onion. Over the last 14 years I have battled with my weight and through peeling away of pride, self image, body image, friendships, insecurities and perceived failures I am left with the very core of my being. Food often takes the throne and becomes a god in my life and I have to choose daily to stand up against it or allow it to devour me. I have tasted victory and I have tasted defeat and each time I walk away more strengthened than before. I had to get to the place where I realized that overeating IS A SIN and that when I fell I had to also realize that Jesus’ love never lessened because of it. I visualized my struggle the other night. I imagined how BIG my God is and how SMALL my struggle is and it hit me! If I would place God between me and the struggle then I wouldn’t be able to even see my struggle because I would have my eyes fixed on the very One who has the power to demolish this stronghold in my life. I am a visual learner and this morning I wanted some Cadbury eggs so I began to visualize Jesus stepping and crushing the chocolate goodness all over the ground. I laughed and then I moved on. This seems so funny and so not worth telling the blogging world how crazy I am hahaha but hey it worked and I didn’t eat one. I have felt God’s presence this morning and I am walking in victory with a smile on my face. I have several friends who hold me accountable and I have scales at weight watchers that are becoming my friend rather than my enemy. I can’t wait to look back in a year and see how God used my stronghold to become a strength in my life and a platform for me to share my story and God’s power. I continue to push through the rubble and I know that when it’s all said and done a beautiful foundation continues to be laid in the depths of my heart and from that will come a MIGHTY BLOOM:)
2 Corinthians 10:4
4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.