You make my heart go pitter patter….

Do you remember your first crush growing up? You know that weird feeling in your stomach when they would talk to you on the playground? Or what about middle school/high school crushes? You would blush and all of a sudden grow two left feet and act so silly in front of them. I remember when I met my husband for the first time… WOW! He had the most incredible smile and eyes and he was so sweet to me and we would talk on the phone for hours and hours. We spent every second together and it wasn’t too long after that we were in love and we didn’t care who knew it. We use to call our butterflies the heebie jeebies. When he would look at me or much less talk to me my heart would go pitter patter in the beat of his name just like this Rich-ard Rich-ard (just like the heartbeat). Even now 19 years later when he walks in a room my heart melts.
This past week I have begun to feel a new pitter patter in my heart and it is simply taking my breath away. My whole life I have struggled with food addiction but it wasn’t until I began a journey of truly embracing who I am in Jesus about 5 years ago that I began to see my horrible patterns of how I viewed, starred and longed for food. My love for food grew because of the instant source of fulfillment I would feel during the binge but after a yummy 5 doughnuts, or 6 Reese cups the immediate ahhhh turned into uggggh and then the guilt would set in. Just like a drug addict can taste the drug of choice or long for that high that was exactly where I was in my downward spiral of food addiction. Last year I began to fight against this demon in my life and some weeks I would win and others I would fall. When I would fall the defeat would consume me and I would find myself eating a whole bowl of cookie dough or 15 Oreos to make that pain down deep go away. No one could see the destruction because I wore a constant plastic smile and always talked about dieting or eating healthier blah blah blah. I can honestly say that for an entire year I didn’t binge 5 times or less. Now to some you’re thinking that isn’t a lot but for a person who struggles with food addiction once is too many times. I put everything into food and it controlled my thoughts, my actions, my heart and it eventually consumed me. I felt victorious at the end of the year because I truly believe God was pruning out many things in my life to set me up for a breathtaking romance between my heart and His. A few weeks ago I began reading Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst with a group of ladies in our church. Before I could even finish the introduction I was in tears. I knew in my heart as it pounded harder and harder that it was time to MAKE WAR on the very thing that was sucking the life out of me. Last week I stepped on the scales and I had gained 2 pounds and as I stepped off for the very first time I didn’t feel defeated, I didn’t run to McDonalds and I didn’t hurt. God was transforming my heart with a new beat in mind. He began to feel my thoughts of Him and I repeated about 100 times a day “Jesus I love you more than food” and when it was hard I would repeat it multiple times. By the end of the week there was no desire to meet with chocolate it was a desire to hear and spend time with my Jesus. A new love for Him begin to surface in my heart and when I read my bible the words would literally jump off the pages and I would find myself almost in tears. I would be dumb founded, speechless, and I felt my heart go pitter patter…. I drove down the road with my worship cd on high and tears would quickly surface. I had to tell Jesus how much I loved Him over and over. My thoughts had moved from my mind to my heart and I begin to feel something I hadn’t felt in so long. Yes I am in love with Jesus and I want to be used by Him daily but it’s an area of my life that I have never given to Him fully. It is a place where NO one was allowed in and handing Him access to that part of my lifeless heart was like jumping into a cold pool on a hot day. I felt free… I stood on the scales a week later and was blown away. I was down 5.1 pounds! I immediately began thanking God for that victory and I realized that yes my focus changed, my eating habits changed, my thoughts changed but more than anything I allowed Jesus into that dark place and he brought light and a new found love for Him. I get a glimpse of His overwhelming love each time I press my heart into His.
Psalm 42:1 As the deer longs for streams of water,
so I long for you, O God.
Psalm 21:2
You have granted him his heart’s desire and have not withheld the request of his lips.


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