Over these past two weeks I have been trying to truly drown myself in God’s word. I desire to be in His presence more than I ever have. It’s as if a season of loneliness has tried creeping in on me as we close a decade of ministry and begin a new one. We have only one week left with FOCUS Student Ministry. We have loved those students with all we have and it’s time to pass the torch and move on to what God has placed within our hearts for THIS next season in our lives. We are so excited and can’t wait to watch our city be changed! I told everyone in my last blog about Revolution Church. Everything seems to be quickly falling into place and God is opening doors left and right for resources. I truly have had to fight an emotional battle of loneliness and I think I have figured out why. Over the past 13 years I have given my all to teen girls and so the desire to have a mentor just wasn’t there but now as I am starting to let go I see how much I long for authentic friendships in my life. God has surrounded me with some incredible women over these past few months who genuinely care about my struggles, my thoughts, my daily stuff and that makes my heart smile. I said earlier that I desire to be in the PRESENCE of God and I do but I think I am also learning to rest in Him with my fears, doubts, questions, loneliness etc and it’s like out of that His presence guides me and leads me ONE step at a time and I like it! I love planning ahead and knowing what’s next but sitting back and just resting in the presence of God has taken me to a place of surrender and I can honestly say those creeping feelings of loneliness have begun to drift away. My focus shifted from me to Him and I asked myself these questions…
What if God never answered my prayers from this point on?
What If I never heard His voice again?
What if He never allowed me to speak? Write?
What If I never lost weight and He never took away my food addiction?
WOULD HE BE ENOUGH? Just resting in His presence enough? My love for Him enough?
I sat and cried when I thought about how many empty prayers I had spoken and I realized that standing before Him with a desire for Him alone would capture every fear and keep me in that place of sweet surrender.
Is He enough?
23Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
24You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
27For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;
you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.
28But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,
that I may tell of all your works.