I broke my toe 3 weeks ago at a youth retreat. These past three weeks have put me in a place I no longer want to be in. Back in January I committed this year’s word to be OVERCOME. I had struggled with my weight and an even deeper issue of the heart for years. I was addicted no I am addicted to food and through constant binge eating and gaining and losing I decided enough was enough and I started a new journey in my life. I began to lose a pound or so a week and really got into exercising. Very good friends of mine also begin to workout with me daily and it became second nature to me. I felt better I ate better and all around the negative thoughts that once haunted me constantly were growing dim. People began to notice and my clothes were getting bigger and I liked it… BUT big BUT! I broke my toe and since then I have gained about 8 pounds back and I have thought about my weight gain and food to be honest NON stop. I started out fighting but I grew weak. I have written more in my journal over these past few weeks about how gross and disgusting I am than how amazing and powerful my God is. Last night I attempted to go to water aerobics and believe you me when I say I tempted. I started off with a few motions but about 20 minutes in I could no longer stand the pain. I had so much anxiety about getting from the pool to my towel and into the Jacuzzi. I had to talk myself through it and strategize how to get out without anyone looking at me. I was overwhelmed with thoughts and the demons of self image were roaring in my ears! One of my very close friends came over and began to talk to me and she was so precious because she was telling me things I knew and had clung to before and she could just tell I was in that place again! Here she is 17 years old and yet pouring truth into me with such authority she sent me a verse today from Psalms 62:8 it says Trust in HIM at ALL times you people, pour out your heart before Him, God is a refuge for us…
WOW! I began to think about every girl out there and every woman that are in this place or will find themselves in this place and something just clicked!! I refuse to be in this place any longer! I am called to be a voice for those girls/women and pour into them the truth about who God created them and ME to be! We are beautiful and I am fighting back now with ALL I have! Its on like a pot of neck bone (redneck much). God please HEAR my cry! I am pouring out my heart before You! I need you to help me take my thoughts captive! I need you to push me into obedience CONSUME me and strip me!