time to fight!

I broke my toe 3 weeks ago at a youth retreat.   These past three weeks have put me in a place I no longer want to be in.   Back in January I committed this year’s word to be OVERCOME. I had struggled with my weight and an even deeper issue of the heart for years. I was addicted no I am addicted to food and through constant binge eating and gaining and losing I decided enough was enough and I started a new journey in my life. I began to lose a pound or so a week and really got into exercising. Very good friends of mine also begin to workout with me daily and it became second nature to me. I felt better I ate better and all around the negative thoughts that once haunted me constantly were growing dim.  People began to notice and my clothes were getting bigger and I liked it… BUT big BUT! I broke my toe and since then I have gained about 8 pounds back and I have thought about my weight gain and food to be honest NON stop. I started out fighting but I grew weak.  I have written more in my journal over these past few weeks about how gross and disgusting I am than how amazing and powerful my God is.    Last night I attempted to go to water aerobics and believe you me when I say I tempted.   I started off with a few motions but about 20 minutes in I could no longer stand the pain. I had so much anxiety about getting from the pool to my towel and into the Jacuzzi. I had to talk myself through it and strategize how to get out without anyone looking at me. I was overwhelmed with thoughts and the demons of self image were roaring in my ears!  One of my very close friends came over and began to talk to me and she was so precious because she was telling me things I knew and had clung to before and she could just tell I was in that place again! Here she is 17 years old and yet pouring truth into me with such authority   she sent me a verse today from Psalms 62:8 it says Trust in HIM at ALL times you people, pour out your heart before Him, God is a refuge for us…

WOW!  I began to think about every girl out there and every woman that are in this place  or will find themselves in this place and something just clicked!! I refuse to be in this place any longer!  I am called to be a voice for those girls/women and pour into them the truth about who God created them and ME to be! We are beautiful and I am fighting back now with ALL I have! Its on like a pot of neck bone (redneck much). God please HEAR my cry!  I am pouring out my heart before You! I need you to help me take my thoughts captive! I need you to push me into obedience CONSUME me and strip me!




5 thoughts on “time to fight!

  1. Pray for me as I ASK for His guidance toward overcoming. Then pray that I will ACT when He provides clarity of direction. Quite honestly, I am feeling overwhelmed right now; however, I desire to be an overcomer!

    When you’re a woman/wife/mom in a 1 income family, it’s so hard to ‘justify’ spending money on yourself… especially when money is tight…

    Keep posting! God is being glorified through your transparency! Love you 🙂

  2. Love you Holly-you are beautiful inside and out! Don’t believe satan’s lies.You are MORE than a conqueror through Christ Jesus. You Will Overcome!

  3. Oh Holly. I understand, in my own way I guess. I feel like in some ways I’m not a good comforter to acknowledge and validate all these feelings, but I have to. We both know that to say “Oh. You’re crazy.” “Everything’s fine.” brings little comfort to that person who then has to stuff inside what we feel like others don’t want to see in us. But, please know that I believe there are probably a million girls, young ladies, and women who need to know this struggle and other people’s struggle. Barbie dolls are manufactured and plastic. Magazines are airbrushed. But somehow we have been told if we try hard enough, we can be something perfect.

    It’s very encouraging when a “media” personality works with a trainer, and gets help and looses weight, or overcomes other issues. But, what about that person who works a full time job, is in ministry (not the full time job) a wife, a mother, a friend, a sister. That is who so many can relate with. You are us. We are all you.

    When Jesus told Peter “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you[a] as wheat. 32But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers”, he was basically saying “Satan is going to tempt you, and you are going to fail, but my prayer is when you dust yourself off, that you’ll be an encourager.” Those words could be replaced with Holly, Gina, and anybody else that WILL go through these trials.
    And as I close, I’d like to remind you of a song that we both need to sing:

    We’re all in this together
    Once we know
    That we are
    We’re all stars
    And we see that
    We’re all in this together
    And it shows
    When we stand
    Hand in hand
    Make our dreams come true
    I am praying God gives you an “expected” surprise very soon!!
    love yo GG

  4. Holly I can SO relate to this! I struggle w/ constantly losing and gaining and binge eating! I want to be an overcomer too! I am sorry you are struggling but God does want to be your Refuge through this and help you Overcome once and for all! However you are a beautiful lady, a wonderful friend, an encourager, a leader and a terrific mom! You have a beautiful heart! You can do this! You are speaking for so many ladies who struggle w/ this and they need to hear your heart! Love you!

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