time machine…

Last night Rebekah our oldest daughter had a band concert. She plays flute and it matches her perfectly.  She is short for her age, and also younger than her peers. I started her in kindergarten the day she turned 5. Sometimes I could kick myself because I didn’t let her stay home one more year, but at the time I had a new baby and academically she was ready( she loved pre-school!!).  At the concert all grade levels performed various pieces from Christmas and 80’s to classical.  The 6th graders started the night off. They hit several flat notes, a few loud squeaks and they seemed very nervous but smiled a lot because of their excitement to just be there! The 7th graders seemed a bit more confident and the size of their band was larger and they played more songs and laughed between songs with the teacher (a big more relaxed for sure) then the 8th graders full of confidence got up and seemed very relaxed! They sounded awesome! Each grade level did their very best based on their skill level and they all seemed to be having fun.  I thought about all the missed opportunities I missed out growing up through school and even now in my life.  I didn’t have any idea who I was growing up.  I found my identity through my peers.  Rebekah asked me the other day if I had one wish what would it be? She said hers would be to invent a time machine so she could redo stuff or meet certain people and do certain things.  Growing up clogging consumed my time and not having a father around boys consumed my brain and often my heart.  I was driven by a hole in my heart for attention and validation.   For instance I didn’t take band or chorus and you want to know why??  All the cute boys were in carpentry. So yes me and a few other cheerleaders wore our uniforms in shop and accented them with big safety goggles to get the attention of the cute boys and what did I learn? NOTHING! I don’t think I have picked up a hammer since then.  I too have wished I could turn back the hands of time and re-do some things. But then I think of who I am NOW. I have discovered an unconditional love from my Heavenly father that has far more completed me than anything or person ever could.  God has taken the scars of my past and made them into my beauty marks today. I am healing from my past and understanding that He loves just the way I am. I am in the band now (cheesy yes) but now I am choosing to be an instrument for Christ! I am often squeaky, not confident at times and even unprepared but my desire to be more like Him is burning within me. I want my actions, my words, my worship, my love, my responses and my heart to be a beautiful sound to the world as it reflects the heart of Jesus….

Were you in the band? What did you play?

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4 thoughts on “time machine…

  1. I was in a band at school, from junior high all the way to my high school graduation, and I played the baritone. I was not the best player, but that’s completely ok, because God still loved me anyway, and He still does. 🙂

  2. that was good (:
    I love you and your blogs
    & yes I was in band and played the clarinet. but of course my favorite cousin knew that 🙂

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