I am safe:)

Today is Monday June 29th and I have so much to say……..

Friday: I bought my kids to work with me for them to play in the art studio and because I didn’t have a baby sitter. They love coming with me because they pretty much do whatever they want while they are here and they love to paint and make beautiful art work for me. My owner called a meeting to discuss the state cuts of  funding and the possibility of all of us getting a pay cut.We pretty much all  got the pay cut…so Friday evening  Richard and I along with the girls met up with some friends from Concord (The Ellis family:) for dinner at Sonny’s and a trip to Concord mills. We went with the hope of finding the perfect outfit for our UNBOUND photo shoot. Shauna is my friend from college and we are just as close now (even closer) than we were back in the day…..we lost touch for years and through God’s perfect plan she is now apart of my life again and also UNBOUND. The plan was for the husbands to take the girls into build a bear for outfits only haha! Shauna and I were in the Gap and as we are leaving and making our way back over to where they are we find them with our daughters making ANOTHER BUILD A BEAR! It was a fun evening and we both found outfits pretty quickly (except she bought the first outfit she tried on, and it took me at least 15).

Saturday: I got up and cleaned a bit, read my bible and really took my time getting ready. I usually put my make up on driving down the road so that was a bonus to actually stand in front of my mirror! We met around 11 and I was feeling good about my outfit and how I looked and I think I was honestly just overcome with excitement because this was actually happening.  The pictures were great until I begin to see myself on that stupid camera. The demon of self image attacked me pretty much the entire time we were there. I was ready to be just finished with it all. I knew we had to meet at my house before the  Natalie Grant concert so I was ready to just go home and rest for a few hours. I walked in the door kissed my husband and Rebekah and Rachel  good bye (they were going to work on his moms house with painting etc) I went into the kitchen to get some lunch and I just began to sob like a baby. I was overcome with negative thoughts about myself and it all stemmed from those stupid pictures. I sat down on the couch and for 20 minutes at least I just cried out to my Heavenly father to just hold me and reassure me of how much He loves me. I have not broken down like this in at least a year over. So I composed myself and just sat in silence. In those moments I could all most feel Jesus with me. I have understood the attack from satan in this area because I have struggled with it pretty much my entire life! So once again I had to tell satan to back off me and I just quoted Psalm 45 over and over again…THE KING IS ENTHRALLED WITH  MY BEAUTY!  I then called Gina and dumped it on her. We began to discuss how God has blown us away with all the connections and exciting things He has done. We want nothing more than to be in the center of His will even if it means hurting or in a moment of desperation.

Psalm 51:7 (The Message)

7-15 Soak me in your laundry and I’ll come out clean,
scrub me and I’ll have a snow-white life.
Tune me in to foot-tapping songs,
set these once-broken bones to dancing.
Don’t look too close for blemishes,
give me a clean bill of health.
God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don’t throw me out with the trash,
or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile,
put a fresh wind in my sails!
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
so the lost can find their way home.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
and I’ll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
Unbutton my lips, dear God;
I’ll let loose with your praise

It is in that moment that you feel as if nothing can make your situation better or that struggle that seems to plague your mind to the point of tears…God is in the midst waiting for us to turn and rest in Him alone.  I have come from a place of hating myself to a place of freedom in the midst of my struggle. I love the part where it says “Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails” we need to be renewed and we want to feel alive and most importantly FREE!

Now to the good part of Saturday… This year Beauty Within is being held at Gaston College because of the growth and the desire for us to take it into the city!  We have our website up and people are responding! (www.unboundministry.com) We have never before had a “cause” or some type of foundation that we have sponsored.  This year we are partnering with The Home Foundation (http://www.thehomefoundation.net/) Natalie Grant speaks with passion about this foundation because she has seen the eyes of little girls that have been rescued and also seen the faces of many that are in the process of healing…A friend of mine and I attended the Natalie Grant concert in Asheville and she spoke about the foundation there and I knew I had to make the commitment of giving 11 dollars a month to the this foundation. I also knew that God was calling UNBOUND to do this. I asked Gina who is totally mission minded and wants to rescue every person on the face of the earth to take this on. I asked her to contact Natalie and also the Home foundation to get materials for us or anything else that would be helpful to us in this whole thing….The Executive Dir responded with great support and excitement and so now things are in place! We left for the concert with the anticipation of getting to talk with Natalie and we ended up getting to talk to Matthew West a bit too. He gave me his definition of freedom “Freedom is resting in who God made you to be” very cool! Then  Natalie came in to do a  quick “thank you” video regarding the  support from the girls attending the events that choose to donate or partner with the home foundation. We will show this video at the Beauty Within Events in the future as well.  Now everyone who knows me also knows that my favorite artist in the world is Natalie Grant…We laughed because the unbound girls were saying “Holly she probably thinks you are an absolute freak because you twitter her all the time” but she walked in and she remembered meeting me in Asheville so HA!!  I was asked why  she is my favorite..  I truly believe that because of her realness and her obedience to sharing her story it truly opened the wounds of my heart that I had held pretty much my entire life….I began to deal with my struggles because she was bold enough to speak of her own. It was in that moment at a Revolve many years ago that I identified it! I cried like a baby and from that moment on I have become determined to change this world ONE GIRL at a time! So yes Natalie we are bff:) lol ok moving on…

Sunday: Our Pastor preached one of the most amazing sermons I have ever heard him preach! He is working through the book of Daniel and I will just say it was AMAZING! We are in chapter 4 and the title was “the wolf man got saved” Read through it…GOOD STUFF:) I learned something yesterday that I have never before caught it said  in verse 29 Twelve months later, as the king was walking on the roof of the royal palace of Babylon.. Daniel had warned him and advised Him that God was going to humble him if he didn’t repent from his prideful ways and God gave him a year to do this….WOW! I think about all the times we have been involved in something we shouldn’t or talk a certain way to people, or have un-confessed sin of envy, jealousy, greed or bash one another and we think because nothing has come from it must be ok that we haven’t dealt with it…A YEAR later God did deal with him…it says in the very next verse 31 The words were still on his lips when a voice came from heaven, “This is what is decreed for you, King Nebuchadnezzar: Your royal authority has been taken from you. 32 You will be driven away from people and will live with the wild animals; you will eat grass like cattle. Seven times will pass by for you until you acknowledge that the Most High is sovereign over the kingdoms of men and gives them to anyone he wishes.”

So today I sit here at my desk, and we were told that we are all pretty much getting a pay cut at work due to the state funding issues and I am ok with it because I know that Jesus has already gone ahead of me and its all good… I know that the Beauty Within will be over the top amazing because Jesus has already gone ahead of me and stirred the hearts of the girls attending and He is providing for it to take place. I know I am beautiful and a masterpiece because my daddy said so in Ephesians 2:10. God has away of comforting His kids just as I do my own. When they fall or need a hug I want them to feel safe in my arms. God is our refuge and when we feel abandoned, broken, hurt and just need a place to feel safe…He is that place 🙂 Have a great week!  below are the lyrics by my bff song called safe…

Safe by Natalie Grant

How did you know
That I’m all alone today
Oh I feel so scared
And I want to go away
I bleed so deep underneath
My soul is screaming

I’m not gonna hide
I’m not gonna run away
I’ll uncover the scars
And show you every mistake
Your love is mending my blisters
And the bruising shame
Here with you
I am safe

Drowning the tears
Won’t make it go away
It’s robbing my soul
So I’ve taken this mask off my face, Yea
To discover love
And uncover all
It means to live and breathe

I’m not gonna hide
I’m not gonna run away
I’ll uncover the scars
And show you every mistake
Your love has mended my blisters
And the bruising shame
Here with you
I am safe
I am safe
I am safe
I am safe

When You uncovered, I discovered
I am not afraid
But when we’re hiding we end up fighting
To be sane

Yea, Yea
I’m not gonna hide
I’m not gonna run away
I’ll uncover the scars
And show you every mistake
Your love is mending my blisters
And my bruising shame
Here with you
I am safe
I am safe
I am safe
I am safe

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3 thoughts on “I am safe:)

  1. Holly I’ve really come to understand there truly are no limits to what Satan will use to attempt to stop in us in fear. but I must also pray and make myself (if I have to)understands there are no limits or conditions on God’s love for me/us/whoever. He dangles my failures in front of my like a carrot, and I find myself biting way too much. I love you. You ministered to me Saturday by being real. I think God I have a friend I can be real with and who can be real with me, but in the end I truly believe our goal is the same-find Him in each moment.
    Love you,
    GG

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