You know I really thought that things were going to be different…..

 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
Revelation 21:4

FINALLY this year is over!  This past year has been most def one of the hardest years I think I have ever endured…..The year my dad was killed was a hard one, but I believe this past year takes the trophy.  If you read back over any my blogs you will see I am learning so much from the constant storms my family has faced over this year. Last Nov when Janice was told 6 months or less…well that turned into almost a year.  When she went into the hospital on May and came out 12 days later I had no idea the battle we would face…I remember standing at the Beauty Within Seminar with such heartfelt grief inside my chest. I hurt so deeply because I was speaking about loving yourself, and seeing yourself through the eyes of Christ:)…Janice gave me so much for that day! She taught me how to love myself, because she never saw anything other than that! She saw good mother, AMAZING daughter in law (ok I added that part ha!) but we were very close! she was one of my best friends, she never said anything that would ever make you feel defeated, or question your abilities when you walked away from her! Her death was hard and continues to be for us this holiday season. I thought things were going to be different but come on now!…………. Each year we put our tree up and we shop and things are finished before the first week of December! NOT this year! Ihave no tree up, and NOT one present purchased. The kids have asked for maybe one thing a piece, parties aren’t planned and I will say I AM NOT STRESSED A BIT! WOW When you take out the hustle and bustle of the “have to buy” for gifts, and the “got to” gifts things seem to be different A LOT different. I am tired of feeling defeated, I am tired of feeling like I can’t, I am tired of hurting, and I am tired of  being tired!  One of my very good friends, gave me a new tool to use a couple years back, and it has stuck with me since…ONE WORD…My new word for 2009 is THIRST! I don’t think I have ever felt so parched!

Holly

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One thought on “You know I really thought that things were going to be different…..

  1. I have to say that as I read this I almost cried just thinking of Janice not being here this Christmas. I know that all things have a purpose, and I too wish she was here. I am glad that through her death it brought Ben and I together….I just wish she was here to experience this joy with us…omgosh..I am crying…uggg and I have a student in the room,…….and Compose…myself..ok..So yes, I would love to hear the things that she would say about it all…and to hear her ehhh and ahhh over the girls’ last week at their musical. I know that this holiday season is going to be hard on all of you but know that I am here to help. I don’t want you to be tired or feel defeated…or feel like you can’t get things done. I want to help you. I cannot wait for next week as we prepare to gather as a family.. 🙂 and spend time together. I know that is what Janice would want us all to do…to get together…to think she is with Jesus…I wonder what kind of party they will be having in Heaven??? Lucky girl! So yes my dear friend…let me help!!!! I am excited and yes…I have really been thinking and praying for my one word and you were right…I have finally made a decision to FAITHFUL….I am excited to see what being faithful to the Lord brings! Thank you for being my friend and mentor…love you girl!

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