Today is September 29th and so much has happened since my last post. I have been on this huge roller coaster of emotions. My husband’s mom passed away on the 22nd and the days and weeks leading up to her death many events and emotions happened… very stressful, full of anxiety, excitement for the Beauty within, spending time with friends from out of town…. Let me sum up my last 2 or 3 weeks for you! On September 13 the searching for the Beauty within seminar went amazing! Matt spoke and shared his heart for how girls should be treated as well as his passion to see all girls see themselves as beautiful to the ONLY one who matters:) The drama’s were unbelievable and grabbed your heart each time, the fashion show, testimony’s, food it all went so well. When it was time for me to speak, I had this lump in my throat and really wanted to say so much and I felt as if I rambled at times but I didn’t care because it was my time to share my heart and to reveal who I was underneath the label of mom, youth leader, friend, etc! I have realized that outward appearances of everything we own eventually fade. The same with flowers, they are beautiful, smell great but over time their beauty also fades. When we realize that who we are in Christ, we then see ourselves as beautul… not in a prideful way just confident because we have placed our identity in Christ alone! Psalm 108! so after the seminar….my mother n law begin to decline even more and it begin to take 24 hours a day of my time and also my husband’s time to be there with her. We missed living 2 and half weeks of our lives to be with a life that was ending. These past few weeks will forever be carved in my mind. My perception of how I view the timing and plans of God have also changed. Throughout the time we were there we would laugh together, we cried A LOT, we joked with one another and we ate A LOT! One afternoon I found an old journal of mine from 1996-1997 that I had written in almost everyday. I wrote daily about how I wanted God to save my sister among other prayer request about self image, and I prayed for my brother and also Janice during that year…now 12 years later God’s timing was everything! My sister and her husband gave their lives to Christ about 2 months ago and they both are so hungry for God, and they want and desires to be used by Him. Now I know that God heard my prayers in 1996 and again in 1999, and 2005 and so on…but I also know that God had to put the key people in Tiffany’s life and allow circumstances in her life to stir her heart and then when the HIS TIMING was right she chose to accept Him! My relationship with Janice has meant so much to me ove the years! I remember as she layed there breathing her very last breaths, I prayed for God to relieve her pain and allow her to be In His presence, and then once she breathed that last breath, I cried for God to give her one more breath! I realized that it was only for me because she had impacted my life in ways I couldn’t even fathom…… She has never said anything NEGATIVE to me, she has always lifted me up, and told me all the things I so badly long to hear! VALIDATION was her middle name! At her funeral, everyone who had spoken with her ever all said the same thing about her, and even the pastor said ” I have NEVER met anyone like her in all my years of being a pastor!” That should tell you just how special she was! You see God’s timing in both of these situations needed to happen and yes it hurts and yes I still pray for other family members to be saved I realized that God’s timing was everything!…..The funeral is over, the food is now gone, the company is no more and we are back to the work, soccer, church, busy stuff. But Richard is hurting so badly and we know we have a long road ahead of us with dealing with our grief, and getting things taken care of. So please continue to pray for all that…..Coming out of all this I have a new desire to read His word. I had no computer to blog, or to read blogs or anything else for that matter, so I would sit by her bed and read my Bible and re-read my journal from back in college and then I would write new thoughts. I want to share with you some things that God has shown me! First of all in
Exodus 3:23-25 23 Years passed, and the king of Egypt died. But the Israelites continued to groan under their burden of slavery. They cried out for help, and their cry rose up to God. 24 God heard their groaning, and he remembered his covenant promise to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. 25 He looked down on the people of Israel and knew it was time to act.[c]
YEARS PASSED … I thought about the time that has passed over the years and how some of my prayers have been that constant groaning of wanting to see my sister’s life changed. When I read the last sentence “and knew it was time to act” I realized that we go through seasons of our lives, we go through droughts, we go through death, pain, numbness, joy, and so on for a purpose, for character growth, for something! But when God hears our cries it doesn’t mean He doesn’t have a plan in place and something isn’t happening. God is in control and Its hard for me to sometimes grasp that! I continued reading further down and I begin to read the burning bush story and God just took these verses below and pierced my heart!
Exodus 3 2 There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a blazing fire from the middle of a bush. Moses stared in amazement. Though the bush was engulfed in flames, it didn’t burn up. 3 “This is amazing,” Moses said to himself. “Why isn’t that bush burning up? I must go see it.” 4 When the Lord saw Moses coming to take a closer look, God called to him from the middle of the bush, “Moses! Moses!”
How many times have I seen God at work and ran the other direction…like tons! I am at work around many “burning bushes”, I see God doing things in frienships, in circumstances but choose to not move toward God but away from His presence due to the fact I may have my “own” stuff going on, or the situations may not benefit me. I love this part…now stay with me! Moses said I must go see this…and when the LORD SAW HIM COMING He called out to Moses! I have known that God was doing something in a certain situation, and instead of running straight to Him for renewal, or answers, or direction I wouldI turn to friends, or I would let my pride guide me and then I would chose not to act or react. My hesistation led to cancellation…(Gina’s quote) and then before I knew it the opportunity had passed! WHEN THE LORD SAW HIM COMING towards Him He called out to Moses…not when Moses saw the bush, but after he begin to move toward it! I was blown away by this! I have started reading a Psalm a day and a few days later I read in Psalm 27 three truths that still have me speechless…..
4 The one thing I ask of the Lord—
the thing I seek most—
is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
delighting in the Lord’s perfections
and meditating in his Temple.
WHAT DO I SEEK MOST? still questioning that one, and of course I desire to serve God and to be in the middle of His perfect will but when I ask myself that I can’t answer it? what is the ONE THING I SEEK MOST? hmmmm
8 My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”
And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”
when I read that I got straight up chills! The Hospice nurse told us the last organ to go was your hearing! and a friend of mine Lori said look at all the ways satan distracts us now…we are an ipod generation they say this generation will have hearing problems when they get older now think about that satan knows the last thing to go is your hearing! wow! I asked myself this.. Do I GO when I hear God calling me to do something? Do I respond YES Lord ? I often get so frustrated or mad at Rebekah and Rachel when they don’t respond to me or if they ignore my request or don’t acknowledge something I have done for them! …but my selfish heart often hears God’s sweet voice and yet I don’t respond! I see Him working and don’t react, or I have prayers answered and blessing brought my way and yet I don’t praise Him? This is such truth to me, and I get it! and the truth hurts!
14 Wait patiently for the Lord.
Be brave and courageous.
Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.
I have an issue with this because in my mind my desire to serve God is stronger than EVER and yet I have to wait? I don’t undertstand that! I realize that GOd is moving and I have to just move towards Him and then He will see that I am coming towards Him and call out to me!
So okay this has been a record for the longest blog I have ever written, but I hope you see that God’s timing is everything and we have to be willing to SEE first, Listen and then move toward Him! God is in control and we have to just trust Him fully and give it all we have, looking and realizing that there are burning bushes all around us!! BLOOM WHERE YOUR PLANTED, but allow God to BLOOM YOU:)
Psalm 28 7 The Lord is my strength and shield.
I trust him with all my heart.
He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy.
I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.