time machine…

Last night Rebekah our oldest daughter had a band concert. She plays flute and it matches her perfectly.  She is short for her age, and also younger than her peers. I started her in kindergarten the day she turned 5. Sometimes I could kick myself because I didn’t let her stay home one more year, but at the time I had a new baby and academically she was ready( she loved pre-school!!).  At the concert all grade levels performed various pieces from Christmas and 80’s to classical.  The 6th graders started the night off. They hit several flat notes, a few loud squeaks and they seemed very nervous but smiled a lot because of their excitement to just be there! The 7th graders seemed a bit more confident and the size of their band was larger and they played more songs and laughed between songs with the teacher (a big more relaxed for sure) then the 8th graders full of confidence got up and seemed very relaxed! They sounded awesome! Each grade level did their very best based on their skill level and they all seemed to be having fun.  I thought about all the missed opportunities I missed out growing up through school and even now in my life.  I didn’t have any idea who I was growing up.  I found my identity through my peers.  Rebekah asked me the other day if I had one wish what would it be? She said hers would be to invent a time machine so she could redo stuff or meet certain people and do certain things.  Growing up clogging consumed my time and not having a father around boys consumed my brain and often my heart.  I was driven by a hole in my heart for attention and validation.   For instance I didn’t take band or chorus and you want to know why??  All the cute boys were in carpentry. So yes me and a few other cheerleaders wore our uniforms in shop and accented them with big safety goggles to get the attention of the cute boys and what did I learn? NOTHING! I don’t think I have picked up a hammer since then.  I too have wished I could turn back the hands of time and re-do some things. But then I think of who I am NOW. I have discovered an unconditional love from my Heavenly father that has far more completed me than anything or person ever could.  God has taken the scars of my past and made them into my beauty marks today. I am healing from my past and understanding that He loves just the way I am. I am in the band now (cheesy yes) but now I am choosing to be an instrument for Christ! I am often squeaky, not confident at times and even unprepared but my desire to be more like Him is burning within me. I want my actions, my words, my worship, my love, my responses and my heart to be a beautiful sound to the world as it reflects the heart of Jesus….

Were you in the band? What did you play?

What’s your Jerusalem?

When I was in high school my house caught on fire and we pretty much lost everything.  That was one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with as a teenager.   I remember the emotions that flooded my mind constantly “what about my clothes” “what will people say about me”.  I also remember how people gathered around us to help us rebuild our lives. I taught last night out of Nehemiah and as I read the prayer to rebuild Jerusalem I could feel the desperation and compassion that he carried.  God placed a vision in his heart to rebuild the wall and provided protection around him. He just had to embrace it and move forward in complete obedience. It even says he was very much afraid to go before the king but he did it! I asked the students to think about what their Jerusalem might be. Their schools?  Their families?  Their own hearts?  Many students wept before God because of brokenness in their own lives or people around them. I was moved by both their compassion for others as well as their willingness to be cleansed.   I have learned from my own life that through my brokenness, desperation and pain growth occured. Nehemiah mourned and wept before God because he felt their pain in his heart. I want to SEE people as Jesus did and be moved to action, and not stand at a distance and watch ”their city”  end in ashes.  I am praying that God will choose to use me as an instrument of change and offer hope in the midst of brokenness.   Who can you be Nehemiah to this week? Look for fire and smoke and run with passion!  What’s your Jerusalem?….It’s time to rebuild!

 Nehemiah 2  ¹⁷ Then I said to them, “You see the trouble we are in: Jerusalem lies in ruins, and its gates have been burned with fire. Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, and we will no longer be in disgrace.” ¹⁸ I also told them about the gracious hand of my God upon me and what the king had said to me. They replied, “Let us start rebuilding.” So they began this good work.

nuff said…

The last several days I have had an overwhelming burden in my heart. I couldn’t put my finger on it, and I couldn’t put it into words on how I was feeling. I heard our pastor say a few weeks ago that 70% of baptist churches are on the decline…HELLO RED FLAG!! I truly believe we can miss a mighty movement because we get lost in the “planning” of how whether than just chasing God FIRST and allowing Him to blow our minds.  I came into work this morning and sat down at my computer and began checking emails, and I read the blogs that I read daily.  Perry Noble who is one my favorite pastors on the planet writes with such passion! I get a glimpse of his heart just through his blogs (and if you haven’t visited NewSpring..umm you need to!) anyways….I read his blog and  it has been on my mind all morning long!! I want to share with you…

http://www.perrynoble.com/

wow:)

what is yours?

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with my family this year and as always we spread out the sales papers and map out our black Friday! We left this year at 2:30am and shopped for 21 hours straight. We stopped twice to eat and Gina and I sat down on several benches to rest our feet and to talk to random people along the way.   I used to be totally obsessed with shopping, having the latest trends and wanting stuff.  Since I had my girls my desire to have the latest fashions have slowly faded, however Rebekah my oldest wanted a pair of leg warmers and as I was buying them on Friday I was reminded of a trip I made to Hollywood to be on Star Search (clogging) and I remember the tight leggings, leg warmers and a big bulky shirt with a belt hanging loosely around my waist, and I can’t forget my HUGE bangs!!  I stood there and begin to laugh at all the trendy stuff that has made its way back from my teen years… leg warmers, plaid shirts, jeans with zippers on the back of the ankles with bows, fringe…I swore I would never wear those things again, and yet my daughter is! She loves weird stuff, and she doesn’t want to have whatever anyone has. I love that about her. She looks to Stephanie Smith, Brit Nicole, and people like Selena Gomez for her style. She wants to be different! I thought about all the fads that have come and gone. Are you wearing something you said I WILL NEVER wear again?? Or what fad are you so glad you got out of?

Don’t let your love for Jesus be a fad…love loudly and serve passionately!! Is there a trend of something in your life that desperatly needs to be put away for good. I am praying that things in my life that reoccur will die like ugly trends of my past…just a thought:) John 15:2 He cuts off EVERY branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it WILL BE EVEN MORE FRUITFUL..

puddles…

Outside my door at work there is a small dip into the pavement.  Every time it rains it ALWAYS forms a puddle (emphasis on the ALWAYS). I know this and yet every time I open the door to go outside I step RIGHT INTO IT! I have soaked pants and shoes now. I thought about other “puddles” that seem to occur in my life over and over and yet I seem to always step right into them as well. Bitterness..Resentment…Pride…OVER eating, negative body image thoughts to name a few.  What puddles are you stepping in?

2 Corinthians 12:7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Believe:)

I work for a company that serves children and adults with mild to severe MR.  I had someone call me last night and ask me if I would like to serve on the Board of Directors for an organization here in Gastonia. I was honored but if I can be honest with you, I doubted my knowledge, and my abilities. The company I work for stands on this statment “Believe in your Abilities” . We have several consumers who make jewelery, paint amazing paintings, greet, make crafts you name it and they give it all they have. I have a passion for this population and I also know that my spiritual gift is encouragement and thats what I do daily! It comes natural for me. But believing in myself is something I have a hard time with. I am reminded of this…

Psalm 139  ¹³ For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb.¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;  your works are wonderful, I know that full well.¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. 
  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.¹⁷ How precious to ^[b] me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!

God has gifted YOU and will use you! Believe in your abilities!! ..I look to people all the time and say if I could only meet them they will believe in UNBOUND and take a chance on us, or I might say if only I could do this or that to be like so and so…then I came across this! We were ALL created in the image of a creative God and we reflect our Creator when we let our imaginations give birth to new ideas!

Lets CHANGE THE WORLD:)

naked revelations and goose bumps…

I have a friend of mine who always hears from God in the bath tub or in the shower and we call those naked revelations. I have another friend who will get goose bumps all over her body when she feels God. I thought about both of those this morning and how I often feel like I am screaming for God to DO something, or SAY something and I hear or feel nothing. I came across Psalm 5:3 and it says:

 3 In the morning, O LORD, You hear my voice;
       in the morning I lay my requests before you
       and wait in expectation.

Even though I don’t get a response quickly or even see God do what I am requesting I KNOW He hears me and it makes me realize something GREATER must be around the corner! Last night I had a jewelry party and afterwards one of our senior youth girls wanted to spend the night. We started talking about how we were amazed by all that God was doing around us. She said I want to do crazy things and I just don’t know where to start.  I told her by just giving God her complete obedience was the first step.  The passion this generation has is blowing my mind. They want realness, they want authenticity.  They simply want JESUS!  I showed her the Psalm 5:3 verse and she said “have you read it in the message version, it will blow your mind”

^1-3 Listen, God! Please, pay attention! Can you make sense of these ramblings, my groans and cries? King-God, I need your help.
   Every morning you’ll hear me at it again.
   Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life
      on your altar and watch for fire to descend.

UNBELIEVABLE!!

 I am waiting for the FIRE to descend….CONSUME ME!!

may the force be with you….

This past weekend Richard and I along with his brother and girlfriend went to see the Star Wars concert in Charlotte. Richard has been a Star Wars fan pretty much his whole life. We walked around and when he saw a character or a certain costume he wanted to have his picture with them. I laughed because I felt like I was chasing around Rebekah or Rachel at Disney.  He sat there with a smile on his face throughout the evening.  At times he would tell me childhood memories or the year he went to see each movie when they came out.   I thought about how Jesus wants our faith to be that as of a child. He wants our dependency to be totally on Him. Just like a child reaches up to be held, I want to hold my arms up to be held by my heavenly Father. I have realized so much lately about how the absence of my father growing up played such a huge part of who I was growing up and all through school.  I made many bad decisions that led to heartache and even feeling more empty than I was before.   This morning around 4am I woke up and it was one of those can’t go back to sleep wake up calls from God!  I sat there in the bed and began praying to Him.  I remembered Psalm 5:3 where it says bring my request and lay them down and wait with expectancy. So as I prayed I pictured bringing my request and laying them at Jesus feet.  Certain people came to my mind, UNBOUND, our student ministry, my future, my desire and calling to speak, along with some more things…I mean it was flooding my mind. I realized that I had so much I was carrying and that God was asking me to bring it to Him.  I have brought it to Him time after time…..but this time I decided to leave it!

Psalm 5:3  3 In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
       in the morning I lay my requests before you
       and wait in expectation.

My name is Holly and I am addicted….

For 12 years I have been overweight. I am so overweight now that it truly affects my lifestyle. I have been praying for God to “heal” me from this weight and to take this struggle  away. I have moments of motivation and I am driven but then there are more moments where I seriously want to just give up. I speak to girls/teens about how beautiful they are no matter their size and yet I struggle with being OBESE! So many of my closest friends say “no Holly you are not obese” but the Wii says so and so did my doctor. I have never admitted this nor have I really ever dealt with it as being a sin. I don’t get drunk on alcohol but I get drunk on FOOD! I have heard so many pastors say this very thing  recently.  Yesterday I finally talked to a beautiful lady who is  a physical trainer and who is also interested in maybe joining UNBOUND Ministry.  I am drawn to her story and I am overwhelmed at how God works. I shared with her my story and she shared her story. We connected and I am excited to see what comes out of this friendship.   I need accountability, I need to be pushed and I need money to do it because healthy foods and such are not cheap!  I am praying for God to consume my heart with a passion to become healthy. I didn’t say lose weight and be beautiful! Psalm 45 says The KING IS ENTHRALLED WITH MY BEAUTY..I want to be healthy so I can live life to the FULLEST! So I am asking for you guys to partner with me as start AGAIN to become healthy. I just blogged this same thing a few months back and as I write this now I think to myself “you will fail” & “you are hypocrite”   I want it to be different this time! With your prayers, and God leading me I know things are going to change = ) My name is Holly and I am addicted to food…

 

drunk on sugar..

Halloween was a fun filled weekend full of candy, candy and more candy! We went trick or treating and then headed to my lil cousin’s house for a costume party and lots of FOOD.  My sister came down for the weekend and my neice who is 3 kept us laughing all evening. She would make her mommy stand back and she wanted to be a big girl and ring the door bell or knock on her own. She would get the candy and as she would walk back to meet us in the street she would eat the candy she just received.  By the end of the night she was drunk on sugar needless to say.  My girls def played the part of who they dressed up as. Take a look at the picture! Runway Diva and Goth/punk girl:) they are already talking about what they are going to be next year and Richard is ready to put our Christmas trees up..Really?? I am ready for GOBBLE GOBBLE DAY!! I want to hear your funny stories…